When seeking to make big changes in business or life, many people believe that they must immediately start doing the things truly important to them, and begin to fill their days with these activities.  While that is true, to build something new or radically shift to a different approach there is another major step useful to take first, or at least simultaneously with adding new practices.  And that is to start eliminating some things not conducive to the outcome sought.  There are a number of areas where this is applicable, including the obvious, like clearing out one’s physical space; and may also involve cleaning up mental and emotional space (distractions, unproductive thinking, personal investments in the past), projects, and even relationships.  A perfect example are the “could's,” “should's,” “ought to’s” and “have to’s” that may be taking up your time and energy.

This process is like a planting a garden.  In order to enjoy a flourishing garden you must first eliminate what you don’t want growing there, prune some dead wood to design a shape for new stems and buds, and prepare the soil so the proper space and nutrients are available for the plants to blossom and thrive.

How do you go about making space for the new things you want to design and build? There are many things you can do – so we will start by mentioning a couple of them.

First, be willing to say “no.”  Many people don’t realize that “NO” is a complete sentence.  When you are asked to sit on that committee or Board, and you know you really don’t want to do it – don’t give in. Put your ego aside, plant your feet firmly, take a deep breath and say “Thank you for considering me but that doesn’t work for me right now.”  When you are asked to be in charge of your church’s summer bazaar and you would like to help BUT not be in charge – say:  I’ll be happy help, but that’s all I can commit to this year.”  When you are invited to your wacky brother-in-laws to watch the football game and you would really prefer to stay home and catch up on reading your industry periodicals – politely decline the invitation.  This may be a new kind of behavior for you, but give it a go.   It is amazing how free you will feel when you decline an offer for something you really, really in your heart of hearts don’t want to do.  (And those projects do go on).

Be ready to refrain from stepping up to the plate when you aren’t specifically asked.  Some of us are givers by nature.  When we see someone in need, we are the first to step up and offer a helping hand.  You know when those times are.  It’s when no one at your volunteer organization is quick to speak up after a request to take on a particular task, often followed by what seems like interminable silence.  You may even look around and see no one as well suited to the task as you.  So you offer to handle it, even though you really don’t want the job.  You speak up and say: “Okay, I’ll do it” (and without a great deal of enthusiasm).  After all, somebody’s got to do it.  Guess what?  It doesn’t have to be you!

Both a direct request and the indirect kind that is begging for a volunteer are harder to resist in a one-on-one situation, when it really appears there may not be anyone else to take it on.  Remember, the person with the responsibility to find someone for the task will find someone else, if that person is not you. If they cannot delegate it, they may have to handle it themselves and that is their lesson about the choice they made (and may learn to make differently next time instead of jumping in with their own “yes” on such a project).   

Finally, eliminate the “should’s” from your life.  If you want to do something, do it.  If you do not want to do it - don’t.  And stop second-guessing your decision once it has been made.  Clear out the clutter of living in the past, the “could-haves” and “should-haves.”  And stop the anxiety of living in the future – the “ought to’s” and “have to’s.”  Instead begin living in the present moment.  When you can put your attention on what is happening right now, you will make clearer, more decisive choices.  Choices that are really yours and allow you to start doing what you really want to do.  We are all generally more creative and productive from that place – and happier!

Taking the steps provided here is the preparation work required to begin constructing a life full of what you love.  The name of the game here is to “Plan and Weed Before You Seed”.  Make room so the things you really want can establish their presence in your life.  And, like a garden, you will have allowed your life and work to bloom and thrive. 

Ingenuity Gem:

If this discussion resonates with you, and you have a difficult time saying “no,” try saying nothing at all after the request is made.  Stop, count to three (five, or even ten is better) and decide whether this is something you really want to do.  Consider whether you have the time, energy and all around resources to take on the task without feeling even a tad resentful or thinking you may be overwhelmed later on.  This will also help you get in touch with your own response to the things you really are jazzed to do – and find the room in your life to add those things to your agenda instead.  Be just a bit selfish and give your resources to yourself first -- then give the reserve to others.

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